Happy Anniversary!

Marriage is filled with mysticism. Women are cultured to dream about and it's spoken about in glowing, poetic terms throughout their youth. Frankly, sometimes right up until they actually GET married. Men hear the opposite message and are trained to think that marriage is this foreboding, restrictive part of your life that you should delay for as long as possible. The fact of the matter is that marriage, quite often, is neither of those things and the myths surrounding a marriage are sometimes damaging to people perception of how they should interact with their spouse. This becomes highlighted around anniversary time where Hallmark and the Lifetime channel put forth this image of how you're supposed to celebrate your nuptial. For me and my wife, though, it much more of a celebration that reminds us of what made us a happy couple to begin with. Sometimes  it's romantic. Sometimes it's not. Let me explain.

My wife and I have a tradition that's very simple. We give each other simple gifts in accordance to the traditional anniversary gifts. This year is iron so we will both go out and get a simple item made from that metal. Nothing extravagant. On our actual anniversary, one of us is in charge of planning an activity for us to do. It may be a trip. It may be something right here in the city that we love. We take turns planning each year: she has even years and I have the odd ones (fitting, since I'm the odd one in the couple!). The thing about our anniversary dates is that it may not always fall into the category of what one does to mark the passing of another year of wedding bliss. Take this year: we went to Six Flags Great Adventures. Sounds weird right? Well if you know us for more that a few hours, you know that we LOVE roller coasters and one of our first dates was to GA. This year was the iron year and what better way to celebrate than to ride metal roller coasters all day (without the weekend crowds at that). That worked perfectly for us and we didn't get caught up trying to find an uber romantic spot for us to escape to or a super expensive restaurant just because it was our anniversary. That's not who we are as a couple.

And that's my real point. Your anniversary should reflect who you are as a pairing. If you ate at Wendy all year and Friday night was movie night, why are you trying to go to Cipriani's and buying 4 dozen roses for your anniversary dinner? It's a day that is supposed to remind you of your relationship not the relationships you see on the Bachelor! Find something fits you better. Now I'm not saying that you should go to nice places to eat ever but I believe you should do that on random days not days laden with implications and pretext. For instance, our anniversary dinner was at a place called Casa La Femme which is an Egyptian place that we found through restaurant week. It was perfect (I will be writing a blog about that too) but it was in no way ritzy. In fact, there was grass on the floor! But that suited us perfectly because we LOVE RestaurantWeek.  So my point again is to just to "do you" and celebrate your relationship in your own personal way, regardless of whether it falls into the romantic category or not.

These are my thoughts...what are yours?    

Planting Weeds

Every year I dig up my front and back yard and put in new plants to brighten up our outdoor space. I get great, fortified and enriched soil. I buy the best blooms from a reputable nursery and spend an entire day planting them. I spend subsequent days minding them and defending them from cats and raccoons. I do all of that and a week later they are over run by...WEEDS!!

These varmints occupy every available space in the garden like Wall Street protesters and have the nerve to grow taller and more robust than the plants that I INTENTIONALLY planted!! To be even more obnoxious, they are resilient. I can strip every leaf off but unless I put them out by the root, they will be back the next week. Meanwhile if I pluck the wrong leaf off of one of my my pansies, they wither and dies. These weeds have the nerve to use up all the resources and attention that was meant for my designated plants! Next year, I'm planting WEEDS!!!

That reminds me of teaching. Crazy right? But here is the parallel: I am constantly trying to target certain groups on campus and help with their development. Inevitably, they don't see the value and don't get what me and my colleagues are doing for them. Here is the interesting things; sometimes groups and people who were NOT our intended focus benefit from what we are doing and are truly appreciative. I guess the moral of the story is to do good work and you will affect SOMEONE'S life. Even if they aren't your target. Even if they are weeds.

These are my thoughts...what are yours?

The Real McCoy

As I mentioned in a previous blog, I went to a spa recently. It was a Korean spa and because I knew that it was supposed to be a representation of a particular culture, I began to look for verification of authenticity. And then I realized that I do that all the time. And so do a lot of people.

New York City is the center of the universe. That might be a biased opinion but I dare people prove otherwise! Regardless of whether you agree with me or not, the one indisputable fact is that there are snippets of cultures all across the city. Want an authentic Greek meal? We have that! Need a Russian bath that makes you feel like home? Got that! Want to go to a club that reminds you of the Caribbean? That's here too! The problem is that for every authentic ethnic/cultural/national experience that's out there, there are equally inauthentic places as well! There are tons of place, especially food establishments, that boast of "just like home" experiences that are so far off the mark that it makes you want to sue them for misrepresentation! You can get as many jade lions or steel pans or Kemlin replicas as you want, if you're not the real deal, it shows!

So how do you then determine whether a place is true to the original? Here is my (and probably a lot of people) method: look at the patrons. Are they from the culture that the establishment is boasting to be a good representation of? If not, you're probably in a fake place. If you go to a roti shop and and no-one there is speaking with a Trinidadian or Jamaican accent, LEAVE! If you go to an upscale Chinese restaurant and no-one there is Asian, you're probably not getting the real deal. However, if you go somewhere an there are plenty of patrons from that culture in the place, then you can rest assured that you're in a good spot!

People who identify with certain ethnicities, myself among them, are always looking for reminders of home. We won't spend our money or hang out in places that don't provide a reasonable facsimile of their beloved culture. But when they do find a locale that makes them feel like they are back in the old country, they become loyal patrons...and they tell their friends! Pretty soon it's the local joint and everyone knows their name. So those are the people I look for. You can have your Zagats and Yelp. I'll follow the indigenous people as my barometer of authenticity.

These are my thoughts...what are yours?