You don't smell that.....?

Every time I walk to the train station unfortunately sometimes on the actual train, I pass someone who smells like they took a bathe in cologne/perfume. I know that when you put scents on that sometimes you can't smell it on yourself. But that applies to normal amounts of cologne! When you're going through a bottle of Drakkar Noir a week, you HAVE to know that you're smelling like a French whore. I was told that the rule of thumb for cologne was that a person should only be able to smell your cologne when they got really close to you. It's for you and someone you're intimate with, not the entire block! I am not exaggerating when I say that either. There have been countless times that a person has passed by me and I walk the entire block being assailed by the remnants of their odor! Why? I don't get the purpose of dousing yourself in a perfume.

Here are some helpful hints to help avoid this travesty:

• If you pour your cologne/perfume into your hands and it creates a pool that a small goldfish could swim in, stop immediately and find 26 friends to share that with.
• If your index finger becomes sore because you pressed the spray button so many times, stop, go take a shower, and start all over.
• If you are using an aerosol can, you should not be able to sing the entire alphabet before you're finished applying. Stop before you get to "C" and no slow singing either.
• If you hug your mate on the way out of the house and then wonder why they're wearing the same scent that you are, turn around and start from the beginning again. You've clearly infected them with your foolishness.
• If a ridiculously large percentage of your disposable income is being spent on cK1 and you DON'T own stock in the company, please reassess your life, you smelly loser.
• Lastly, if you notice that people all turn, look at you, and have a look of amazement when you pass by, it not because you look astounding that day. It's probably because you smell like you replaced the water heater in your house with an enormous vat of White Diamonds. Cut it out. You're impeding the regular breathing habits of the sane people around you, you aromatic jerk.

Ok, I'm done but I may have to revisit this topic if the violations continue...spread the word...