Wednesday Wonderings (2-fer!): What's going on under Hayden's hat? #10

It's Wednesday and the middle of the week makes me think about the interesting questions in my world. Here is the question bouncing around under this week's hat. Feel free to comment on the question (or the hat, the hat for that matter). I may even give away something for the comment that makes me laugh (or think) the most. Have fun with it!

Who is Luke and how did he get a temperature named after him? Have you ever wondered what is the origin some of the common words that you use?

Do you think people who have annoying speaking voices know that they do and speak more than the rest of us just to annoy people around them?

These are my thoughts...what are yours? 

Autopilot

I walked to the train this morning like I normally do. Aside from it being the worst part of my day (I hate getting on the train going AWAY FROM home), I don't really remember getting there. I can't tell you where I crossed the street or what I passed on the way there that was out of the ordinary. Essentially, I was on auto pilot: my feet knew where to go but I wasn't making any conscious decisions about my actions. And that definition made me think: what else do I do on auto pilot? In fact, what do we all do without really thinking about it. It's like actual pilots of planes who put it on auto and then go off and do something else while the computer flies the plane. (Normally, here is where I would put in the requisite "flirting with the flight attendants" comment but have you SEEN flight attendants lately!?!?)

On my way to work, I multi-tasked in my mind. Logic dictates that our brain focuses on on the task at hand, takes in the experiences happening right now. However, we have become such a busy society that we thought about the thing that we''re currently experiencing HOURS ago. That leaves us time to now think about the rest of our day while doing mundane things like walking to work, showering, eating... Think about it; how many of us have made things like that routine and can no longer pick out the nuances of the experience unless you notice a difference? Can you recall savoring every bite of your bagel in the morning or are you only aware when something is wrong? What distracted you from enjoying your meal? The newspaper, a conversation, your work space? You would be amazed at how many things that we do on autopilot.

I don't actually know what would happen if we paid more attention to the mundane stuff and lived in the moment for each experience. Could you image enjoying EVERY sip of your coffee and focusing solely on that and not the meeting that came directly after it? Could you image taking in everything around for what it's worth instead of obsessing about what you're going to do when your get to your destination? NYers have so much to think about all the time that this may seem like an impossible task but try it. It might make all the difference in your day.

These are my thoughts...what are yours?

The Magic of Photography

Greene Light Photography: The Magic of Photography: You come home from a hard day at high school with a ton of homework. The first thing you do is hit the computer (or in my case, the encyc...

Wednesday Wonderings: What's going on under Hayden's hat? #9

It's Wednesday and the middle of the week makes me think about the interesting questions in my world. Here is the question bouncing around under this week's hat. Feel free to comment on the question (or the hat, the hat for that matter). I may even give away something for the comment that makes me laugh (or think) the most. Have fun with it!

I love this hat and its pop of orange. It's one of my brighter hats even though it's black.

And now on to the 'wondering'...

Why won't Jennifer Lopez just GO AWAY? #thatisall.

These are my thoughts...what are yours? 

We're being watched...

I love my wife and she loves me. When we go out into the public, that fact is pretty obvious. Also, because we have a similar sense humor, we seems to enjoy each others company. My wife is pretty independent in the same way that I am so we also don't have to be stuck up under each other at events either. Generally, you don't get sick of us being all lovey dovey in public to prove that we're happy together. We both are also business minded people so we also rely on logic to run our household which makes it seem efficient in people's eyes.

Why am I saying all of this? Well rest assured that I am NOT trying to toot my own horn. In fact, just the opposite! All of the aforementioned things have led people to dub our marriage as 'perfect' and there are people who use my wife and I as the standard for what a good Black marriage/family should be. These are not my descriptors: we have been told this many times. It's flattering and we are honored that people look at us in that fashion at all. We appreciate the love. But here's the kicker: we not perfect...at all. We fight, I get on her nerves and she annoys the crap outa me as well. We disagree on a great many things. Sometimes we disagree amiably and then other times we're childish. But in our eyes, THAT'S a real marriage. The good AND the bad. We just do a really good job of not putting our business on 'front street' (aside from this blog, of course).

That brings me to the 'perfect marriage' moniker. That's a heavy title to wear because there is a lot of pressure to not destroy people's images. There are days that we are having a bad time and rather than expose people to that side of our love, we choose to stay home. Don't get me wrong: we don't sit around and say "Can you act like a loving couple at this event? No? Alright, we're staying home!" but it's in the back of our mind. People are watching us, whether we like it or not and if we falter there are ramifications. My current marriage is my second. My fraternity brother and I separated from our respective wives within a year of each other for very different reasons. We have a third brother who is close to both of us and has told me that HE is now afraid to get married because he watched the marriage of two couples, whom he thought were solid, dissolve in front of him. He is now watching my current marriage as proof as to whether it (marriages) can actually work for people like him and I. That's a lot of pressure!!

On the other hand, it's a lot of incentive. The flip side of this is that keeping up with that image encourages us to be the best couple that we can be so that there are good images of Black marriages for people like our daughter to refer to. And not just Hollywood couples like Will and Jada or Ozzie and Ruby Dee who aren't accessible to them but real folk down the block from them. I love the fact that the neighborhood kids love our family and greet us with "Hi Mr. Greene, hi Mrs. Greene, hi Baby Clarke!" Its very Norman Rockwell and think that's important for kids to see as an option for their future. You can't ascribe to something that you have never seen.

I guess the bottom line is that my family appreciates the love that we get from everyone and keep holding us to a high standard. It sets the bar for us to live up to and helps us to be excellent, even if some days my wife hates me for not taking out the garbage!!

These are my thoughts...what are yours?

PS read my wife's blog on the same topic.
Hartlyn Kids Blog

Wednesday Wonderings: What's going on under Hayden's hat? #8

It's Wednesday and the middle of the week makes me think about the interesting questions in my world. Here is the question bouncing around under this week's hat. Feel free to comment on the question (or the hat, the hat for that matter). I may even give away something for the comment that makes me laugh (or think) the most. Have fun with it!

Why won't people stand at the back of the bus? Did Rosa Parks have THAT much of an influence that people will simply NOT move down in the bus and let other people get on? c'mon son!

These are my thoughts...what are yours? 

The Silent Yell

Down to the last minutes of the game and a field goal will win. The kick is up and...it's...GOOD! Yessssss! Jumped on the coach and hollered.  The neighbors heard me and they knew that my team had won the game. There is bedlam in my living room as I try to find the phone to call all the Jets haters to rub it in after a great will by Gang Green! Well that was in BC years....Before Clarke!

They say that a baby changes you and when you start to add up the many ways that it does, it makes you realize just how much you are a different person. Last night, my beloved Jets won the game in the last moments of regulation and all through the game I wanted to hoot and holla for my team. But I have learned.

When Clarke was small, I think I stopped her heart one time when I yelled at the screen (what do you mean they can't hear me in the Meadowlands from my couch....hogwash) during a Jets game against the Putrid Patriots. I felt so bad that I have since mastered the Silent Yell where I allow for every motion associated with the scream (including the furious fist pump) except for the audible part of the celebration. The Silent Yell. For three seasons now I have looked like a tv commercial with the sound turned down just so I don't startle my child, or worse yet...gasp...wake her up! I'm almost positive that it's giving me an ulcer! At least, that what I'm going to tell the doctor when he asks. Can't blame the team. That might jinx them!

So here I am swallowing my screams like a black hole, tip toeing up stairs at night, and having muffled intimacy with my wife like we were upstairs in one of our parents houses back in high school (don't act like it was JUST me).  All because we live in the post BC era. So much has changed. It amazing to me and it the little things that make it real. Like texting vitriol to all my sadly misguided friends who are Giants friends instead of calling and having a page full of comments on Facebook instead of having a living room full of people commenting about the game. But one day that will change when she is old enough to hang out late for a game or she is not so jumpy when her father, a man who she very rarely has EVER seen yell, becomes a screaming banshee over a bunch of people running around in tights on the same tv that she was JUST watching The Backyardigans on. Maybe next season when she becomes a true Jets fan (save your commentary: she has no choice), we can get back to a raucous enjoyment of the wonderfully poetic brutality of daddy's favorite sport. Until then, the Silent Yell it is...

These are my thoughts...what are yours?

Now you see me...now you don't

"Out of sight. Out of mind." and "Absence makes the heart grow fonder."

We have all heard these maxims a thousand times before and most of us probably have subscribed to both these schools of thought. However, no two philosophies could be more opposite. It's that knowledge that makes some people scared to take time away from a normal routine.

Time away can be very useful. In the education field, professors have an optional sabbatical period built into their contracts, just in case they want/need to take a break. They understand that it is necessary to recharge. Sometimes stepping away from part of your regularly scheduled activities adds value to your presence. Allows people to see what their lives would be without you there and celebrate your return, thereby making you feel appreciated and validated. It the 'concept' behind couples taking a break...making the other person's heart grow fonder.

The greatest fear, however, is that the alternate saying will be the reality. No-one wants to feel that once they leave it will be as if they were never there. We all want to know that we bring some measure of worth to whatever we are involved in: class, relationship,  group of friends. Unfortunately, there is no way to know and you may come back to a group feeling like they never realized you were gone, completely out of their minds. Musical artist go through this all the time. Many of them would LOVE to take a year off and enjoy all that money they are making. But they know that if they step away from the spotlight, even for a short period, people will forget that they were even here.

So what do you do? Do you take that much needed break or do you stick around, never knowing whether people value you or have grown accustomed to you being there. I tell my students all the time, "I can't miss you if you won't go away" and the same is true for everyone. Just leave. If no-one cares that you're gone then you have definitive proof that you need to be more impact-full with your life. If you are missed, you know that you're doing something right and you should stay on that path. Either way, you should come back to the group refreshed and with a clearer head and, if nothing else, that is worth the leave of absence.

These are my thoughts...what are yours? 

Wednesday Wonderings: What's going on under Hayden's hat? #7

It's Wednesday and the middle of the week makes me think about the interesting questions in my world. Here is the question bouncing around under this week's hat. Feel free to comment on the question (or the hat, the hat for that matter). I may even give away something for the comment that makes me laugh (or think) the most. Have fun with it!

This is my fall brown hat. I got it at a vendor fair here on campus. I love it because it makes me feel very earthy...yeah right...I love it because it goes with my brown outfits! Now on to this week's wondering...

Why after all this time do Wall Street types still only buy black, grey, or blue suits? Are we still that uptight of a society that we can't introduce some color into the corporate uniform? Is the need for assimilation so strong that they're all willing to look like drone bees in service to their queen?    

These are my thoughts...what are yours?