While watching Desperate Housewives the other night, one of the story lines made me angry but then made me think a bit. In the show, one parent who recently making tons of money, surprised the family with a dream vacation. The other parent who had diligently been planning the family vacations when they were rubbing nickels together was furious. The whole thing felt like she didn't like being shown up. The story line in the show was absolutely RIDICULOUS! But it did make me think: in an effort to be good to our children, do we set up an uneven dynamic in the home? When I come home from work and shower my daughter with affection after my wife has been struggling with her all day, does she view me as the nice one and my wife as the authoritarian? Or when my wife presents her with gifts or new things, does she become the generous one and me, the tightwad? At what point do you have to consult with the other parent when you want to do something nice for your child? I understand if it interferes with previous plans (joint calendars help with that...sometimes...). Every now and again I come across great opportunities and they may trump anything else planned for that day. The other things is that what wrong with wanting to be viewed at 'that parent'? Suppose you WANT to be the parent that shows up with ice cream unexpectedly or always comes home with surprise tickets for a ball game or the circus? I personally don't think that both parents NEED to be equal in every single way. We all play roles and there doesn't seem to be anything wrong with one provider assuming one...as long, of course, it isn't completely overshadowing the other. Think of your own parents/elders: they had characteristics that you came to expect from them. Did it make one better than the other?
These are my thoughts...what are yours?
6 comments:
1. I think it's ok to do what you both can when you can as long as it doesn't interfere with discipline.. (meaning don't bring home those game tickets when the kid is on punishment for doing poorly in school) At one point or another each parent will be the MEAN one & each parent will also have the chance to be the NICE one...
2. HAYDEN WAS WATCHING DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES??? REALLY?????????
Yes I watch DH. This is the last season though. It's become really bad. And why is that shocking? Be surprised when I am religiously watching any of the REAL HOUSEWIVES series!
I was just coming in to ask were you watching Desperate Housewives in the first place. And just as long as each parent isn't seen as "the one that..." ALL of the time, then I think that a healthy dynamic will be created.
If the parents are in competition then there is a larger underlying issue that needs to be addressed. In many cases one parent will always be the 'heavy' in one case or another. it's important to share the responsibilities so no one parent is always the gift giver or giving out punishments. Desperate Housewives aside - I don't watch the show (but I have other guilty pleasure shows) parents have to work together. my father was pretty much absent so my Mom did it all so the dynamic was clear in my life once I was able to understand. My hope is that Leo and I equally love and support our kids to make them know that we are both working to support their present as well as their future.
But here's the kicker: is it possible to NOT realize that you're in competition? Is it possible for one person to just do what comes naturally to them and cause their partner to feel overshadowed?
Two words:
Happy Median
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