Any ear will do...

Have you ever been out minding your own business and a random stranger strikes up a conversation with you? Before you know what's happening, they are telling you their ENTIRE "story" as if you are an old, trusted friend. I think it has happened to all of us at some point and if it hasn't happen to you, just wait. Pretty soon you too will have the joy of having to listen to someone pour their soul out to you and your only recourse being to grin and bear it. The sad part is that it's almost always a sob story, the old someone-done-did-me-wrong song. Today, in an elevator, a women said "today's a nice day. It's still nice even though I just got a pay cut!" As she got off, I stood there wondering what was that about and why she would even share that with me! Was there an applicable response that I was supposed to deliver? Would a "those BASTARDS!" made her feel better about her situation?

There is something underneath all of that: we as humans need to share our thoughts. The preferable option is to tell someone who cares, about them and/or the situation. Often though, some of us don't have that luxury and in those cases, any ear will do. Beware if it happens to be yours. The flip side of that coin is that there are people who PREFER not to speak to their loved ones for fear of judgement or reproach. We have a whole profession dedicated to listening to people so that they don't have to talk to their family and friends! When you spill your guts to a stranger, they don't know you enough to critique your point of view. In fact, if you're truly a random stranger more than likely you will just stand there and listen while as we rant and, for a lot of people, that's all we really want: someone to LISTEN while we go on about how bad our lives are. It makes us feel better. Kinda.

So the next time you get confronted with a drive-by counseling session, just listen and nod, or do what I do...try to out "whoa-is-me" them and tell them about how bad YOUR life is. Even spice it up and make up maladies! Let's see how they like it for a change!

These are my thoughts...what are yours?

All eyes on you....

When I was growing up I lived in two neighborhoods that were very inter connected. In other words, everyone knew everyone else. It was in the last days of the 'village' raising the child where you dare not act up because there were eyes on you from everywhere. I felt that my mother and, subsequently, my grandmother, knew EVERYONE! Furthermore,I KNEW that they were in cahoots with my teachers because they CAME to my school and let the teachers know that if I ever misbehaved or got into trouble, that they could ...check that....SHOULD call her and let her know. There was no place to hide so I played it straight. I never knew whether I would run into one of my mother or grandmother's friends if I cut school, or snuck a cigarette, or hid to drink a beer. So I never did. I was a 'good' kid and I think that I am better for it.

Fast forward to today and I now have a kid of my own. A couple of days ago one of my Facebook friends posted on my wall that she had seen my daughter on the subway platform with my wife. She said that she wished that she had service so that she could send me a FB alert that my daughter was in good hands! I thought it was hilarious but it made me think. My friends see my daughter out and about with me or her mother or grandmother all the time. They know what she looks like and the people who she SHOULD be with look like as well. I suddenly felt very secure.

Conventional wisdom has warned us to not over expose ourselves on Facebook because of lurkers but doesn't it have the opposite effect as well? Clearly, I'm not about post my child's schedule on the site but because of the pictures I HAVE posted, people know when they see her, who she should be with. I feel secure that if they happen to see her with the wrong person, I would know about quickly from a post. And there are a LOT of eyes out there! I have over 3000 friends on FB!

Truthfully, I see this as an interesting circumstance for Clarke later on when she becomes a teenager! Could you image having a mother AND father who know THOUSANDS of people and who share pictures of you all the time. It would be a different thing if my wife and I were actual celebrities. Then she could understand the myriad of eyes on her but she won't even benefit from the trappings of fame! Just a bunch of people constantly watching her every move, good and especially bad. I apologize now, baby girl. Your adolescence is going to be ROUGH!!

These are my thoughts...what are yours?

Everything I needed to know I learned from the MTA - Part II

Enjoy what you have while you have it.

Every time I, or any of us, take the MTA, there we are presented with a view. Some days it's an empty car and we have nothing but subway ads in front of us. Other times, it's a beautiful person that is pleasing to the eye. Other times still, it is something curious or odd that give you pause (this makes up the majority of my views!). Riding the train has made me consider formulating what I probably will call "Replacement Theory" and the premise is that things that are in our scope of experience in life tend to get replaced and the brain does curious things depending on whether it's an upgrade or a downgrade. For now let's talk about the downgrades.

There have been countless times that an attractive woman or man has been in my line of sight and I had no issue with raising my head from whatever I was reading/writing and looking around and check my surrounding. Then we get to a stop and that person gets off and someone takes their place who forces me to stare in disbelief or to avert my eyes for fear that I may scar my corneas! Moreover, it makes me wish for the return of the previous person, even if they were marginally attractive!

In life, we have people who come into our sight path, so to speak, and we don't recognize how much we valued them until they're gone. It is most obvious when we speak about loved ones and friends, but what about that teacher that you never noticed until they were replaced by a crappy one? Or the boss you complained about but wasn't really that bad who gets replaced by a real jerk that you can't stand? We have an abundance of people in our lives that we take for granted, not realizing how bad it really could be.

Today, thank goodness for the person on the train in front of u who is at least wearing pants because you never know if the next one is. And be thankful for the people in your life who, at the very least, don't bring you grief because the person that may replace them may be your worst nightmare. Remember: the devil you know may be better that the devil you don't know.

The Train Chronicles #1

Why does the train make people so crazy and abandon all common sense? There are some very simple rules of courtesy that seem to get completely disregarded just because we're on a train. If we were all standing in a room together, regardless of how crowded it was, we don't violate people's personal space the way we do on the subway. Furthermore, if there is an open area, we tend to gravitate toward THAT as opposed to be scrunched up next to complete strangers. Somehow those rules don't apply to the train.

Just this morning, a woman with long wet hair got on the train in front of another woman who was standing by the door. I'm going to go ahead and say, to some degree, they were both wrong. The long haired woman didn't have any space to stand between the other woman and the door and began to point out that there was space in the middle of the car (side note: there is ALWAYS space in the middle of the car! Step in people!). The other woman didn't move because rightfully so, the long haired woman could have easily stepped inside herself. She didn't and instead decided to jam herself in the space between the other woman and the door. To add insult to injury, she turned her back to the woman and now her long, WET hair was in the other woman's face. They both seemed to want that exact spot. Why? Where else in our society is this acceptable?

I'm just sayin'....

Whatchugotdere

So I spend an inordinate amount of time on what I consider to be the most vile method of transportation known to man: the subway! A lot of my posts will be about my trials and trails on the train. It's bad enough that there are dozens of humans crammed together in a small cabin speeding underground, all breathing recirculated funk and fragrances, but on top of that there are are soooo many violations of subway etiquette that it makes it unbearable.

The latest thing that I have had to deal with is an overbearing curiosity for my iPad. I get it: it's new and everyone wants to figure out whether they want to spend money on one. The annoying part comes from the passive aggressive, looking-but-not-looking, over my shoulder glances that I get. Or worse, when you see me CLEARLY working, asking me a bunch of questions about it and stopping the obvious flow that I had.  But I LOVE LOVE LOVE the people scope me out the entire ride and then, just as they're getting off the train, ask me "so how do you like the iPad?" Now they expect me to formulate a full answer before they get off the train. Those people get the thumbs up and I keep it moving!  Then there are the people who want a full demonstration like this is a mobile Best Buy booth and I'm doing product demos for Apple.

The true issue is something I, as well as others, have noted: in this city and especially on the train, we all create our own bubbles until we get to our destinations. Our iPods, laptops, PSPs, Kindles, and the rare walkman help us to zone everyone out and create our little worlds complete with sound tracks. We used to have to stare at subway ads or wear shades to avoid eye contact with the 'crazies'. Now electronics provide the escape. I am guilty of seeking that escape and using the ride home as my decompression chamber which explains why the inquiries bother me.

But serious folks...stop asking me about the iPad! Do your research on someone else! LOL