Monkey see, monkey do.

I am old enough to remember Saturday morning Kung-Fu movies. They would come on and my friends & I would always watch them together. Immediately, after we would try to do all of the moves that we saw in the movies. I think, somewhere in the back of our minds, we knew that the moves were choreographed and probably involved wires and special effects.  We didn't care. We tried them anyway, jumping onto beds from the top of cabinets, trying 720 round house kicks in the air. Everything. Somehow, our brain registered what our eye had seen as possible and instructed the rest of the body to attempt these ridiculous maneuvers.

It's funny how humans work. If we see someone do something, we assumed that we too can that. It's true for all ages. I watched my daughter watch a program and right away try to mimic what she saw. She is also now following us, lock step, around the house and doing what she sees us doing. Fast forward to a woman two decades older, I witnessed a woman working at the Radio City Christmas Spectacular standing in hall, peeking through the door and imitating the steps that she was seeing on stage. It also applies to more than dance. It's true for dance, Kung-fu, and even running for office. If we see it, we surmise that we too can do it.

The interesting point comes when we feel that we can do it right away. No training, no practice, just get up and be what we see. Well, unless you have god-given talent, or you're some kind of aberration of nature, we generally can't. But we try anyway. We didn't care that there were men attached to wires that helped them fly from rooftop to rooftop in those movies. We jumped off the cabinet anyway. My daughter doesn't care that the Fresh Beat Band spent hours (kinda) working on their dance moves. She's going to attempt them anyway. A lot of us have no idea what it takes to be elected to public office. But we think we can do it better anyway. And what's even more dangerous, in a more familiar setting, is that we don't care that home improvement guy on TV has the backing of a major network, an unlimited budget, a nearby supply store, AND a crew with dozens of people. We're going to try to redo that kitchen by ourself ANYWAY!

There is no profound message here I think. It's just interesting to me how much power being able to see something has over our desire to go out and do it. Oh wait...there actually IS a lesson! Parents: be good examples for your children. They SEE what you do.

These are my thoughts...what are yours? 

Super Powers

"I wish I could fly!"
"I would be invisible."
"My power would be teleportation!"

Does this sound like a conversation that you have had in your youth? Or maybe you had it last week. It's an ageless topic since the dawn of fairy tales and comics: if you could have any super power, what would it be? The choices range from the common ones listed above, include super strength and x-ray vision, and vary as a far as the ability to find the best shopping deal in the city or lethal bile projection (someone actually came up with that once!). No matter what the power is, it belies a desire to be something special or to make an aspect of your life easier. But because they are so hypothetical, we come up with the most outlandish and improbable attributes....like killer bile. What would you choose if I asked you what real life ability do you wish you had?

My very first blog was about having many talents and not knowing which one to choose to pursue. It's ironic that I still wish that I had yet ANOTHER talent. I get jealous of anyone, especially men, who have this talent, and in particular, if they don't use it.

I wish I could sing.

Simple. And for clarification, I don't want to be a famous singer or use my voice for monetary gain. I just want to be able to sing to my wife and my child and have them enjoy my voice. Or sing at church (step one: join church). Or sing my fraternity hymn in key for once. Simple. Every time I see someone effortlessly belting out a tune at karaoke or just singing while working, I wish that I could trade one of my attributes for that one.

The funny thing is that someone who knows me may say, "why are you jealous of singers? You are a great photographer, orator, and writer. Surely, those talents are just as fulfilling as being able to sing." That brings up an interesting point: sometimes, the super power is just out of our reach and we have to just sit and appreciate those who have it. For instance, have you ever wanted to be a great cook like your mom? Does someone's ability to build things impress you and make you wonder why you can't do that?

Super powers are cool to dream about but what's that one, seemingly unattainable, skill that you wish you had? And how "unattainable" is it really? Is there a dream that you have put on the back burner? I know that if I took lessons, I probably could develop a good voice, however, there is NO room left on my plate. That's my excuse. Do you have one too?

These are my thoughts...what are yours?

Any ear will do...

Have you ever been out minding your own business and a random stranger strikes up a conversation with you? Before you know what's happening, they are telling you their ENTIRE "story" as if you are an old, trusted friend. I think it has happened to all of us at some point and if it hasn't happen to you, just wait. Pretty soon you too will have the joy of having to listen to someone pour their soul out to you and your only recourse being to grin and bear it. The sad part is that it's almost always a sob story, the old someone-done-did-me-wrong song. Today, in an elevator, a women said "today's a nice day. It's still nice even though I just got a pay cut!" As she got off, I stood there wondering what was that about and why she would even share that with me! Was there an applicable response that I was supposed to deliver? Would a "those BASTARDS!" made her feel better about her situation?

There is something underneath all of that: we as humans need to share our thoughts. The preferable option is to tell someone who cares, about them and/or the situation. Often though, some of us don't have that luxury and in those cases, any ear will do. Beware if it happens to be yours. The flip side of that coin is that there are people who PREFER not to speak to their loved ones for fear of judgement or reproach. We have a whole profession dedicated to listening to people so that they don't have to talk to their family and friends! When you spill your guts to a stranger, they don't know you enough to critique your point of view. In fact, if you're truly a random stranger more than likely you will just stand there and listen while as we rant and, for a lot of people, that's all we really want: someone to LISTEN while we go on about how bad our lives are. It makes us feel better. Kinda.

So the next time you get confronted with a drive-by counseling session, just listen and nod, or do what I do...try to out "whoa-is-me" them and tell them about how bad YOUR life is. Even spice it up and make up maladies! Let's see how they like it for a change!

These are my thoughts...what are yours?

Gone too soon.

In the last few weeks we lost three iconic figures in their own rights: Andy Rooney, Joe Frazier, and now, Heavy D. All three were at different points in their lives; Rooney was in his 90's, Frazier was in his 70's, and Heavy D was 44. They will all be missed for what they contributed to their field. When someone passes away, though, in addition to the accolades that are heaped upon them, you may hear someone say that "they are gone too soon".

That brings up the age old conversation about a purpose full life. The phrase 'gone too soon' infers that there were things that person in question could yet accomplish or that we hadn't seen the full manifestation of their potential. I heard the phrase used in connection with Frazier and Heavy D but not with Rooney and, of course, that made me think. Frazier "gone too soon"? The man had the distinction with being synonymous with the greatest boxing match in history. He was beloved by millions. He is part of one of the most famous couplets ever: Ali/Frazier. What's more is that he had a great, bountiful life after his boxing career. Up until the recent illness that claimed his life, he was healthy and happy. Did he not fulfill his purpose here? Was it not OK for him to make his exit from this world at this time?

Heavy D was much younger but he had made his mark as well. One of the innovators of Hip Hop, he maintained an image that was wholesome in the face of changing trends in the music. He gave us classic songs and had a few acting roles. He moved up through the executive ranks in the industry and was one of the decision makers. He too was happy and would resurface occasionally to do his old songs. That said, Heav's time had come and gone, in terms of being relevant in the public eye. He too had lived a happy, bountiful life up until his death. Was there something more that we were expecting from this icon? Is there some massive void that his passing (outside of friends and family, of course) has left? I don't mean to be rude, just logical.

Which then brings me to Rooney. This is a man that was in broadcasting his entire adult life. His career was storied and prolific. This generation knows him as the curmudgeon at the end of '60 Minutes' every week. But he earned the right to be that guy sitting behind that amazing desk by putting in all that work decades before. Up until he retired this year, he worked at CBS, although, if you asked him, he didn't consider it work because he enjoyed it. But still, Andy Rooney answered emails, regular mail, researched, and read...a lot, while he was working and finally he decided to step away and retire. In less than a year, he was gone. I can only surmise that he didn't get a lot of time to enjoy his retirement. It then begs the question, did this 90+ year old man "go too soon"? Did he have enough time to enjoy the fruits of his many years of labor? Did his family finally have grandpa all to themselves for enough time?

The phrase always gives me pause. None of us know when our time will come and very few of us KNOW what our true purpose on this earth is. Let's not assume that the recently passed were here for the right amount of time or not. In that vein, also live your life so that when your time comes, you can feel that you were here for JUST the right amount of time! RIP, Rooney, Frazier, and Heavy D.

These are my thoughts...what are yours?

Crystal Balls

Having a child is a major responsibility. The obvious manifestation of that is the general well being of the child; are they fed, do they have a place to sleep, do they have clothes on their back. Then thereof the next level of making sure that they have as many opportunities as you can afford; do they have access to the best schools, do they have the latest thing that Hasbro or Disney came up with to make insane, do they have experiences that round their childhood. There is yet another level of love and attention that sometimes gets put on the back burner in order to provide the first two levels. Logic dictates that that last level should be first because it's the least expensive but providing for a child is no easy task. We all know people working three and four job to make sure the kid has the basic, and a little more, all of which takes them away from their son or daughter. It's tough to find a balance with your little one when you can't balance the check book.

I say all of this because I see crystal balls around me all the time, glimpses of the many variations of the path that my daughter could take. I find myself judging their parents without ever having met them or the KIDS for that matter! I make the supposition that the parents didn't do their job when I see a young adult acting 'da fool'. I imagine a home when the mom or dad or both weren't involved with the development of the child, regardless of their presence. They had to have done something wrong.

And then the brutal truth hits me: you can provide support on all three level and still end up with a child that is rotten to the core! That. Is. Scary. Most of us have had to figure out a long mathematical problem in school. We all know the frustration of doing all the steps correctly and STILL come up with the incorrect answer. It's enough to make you want to take all of your books, rip them up, and dump them in your neighborhoods garbage can....or maybe that was just me! At any rate, imagine the frustration of spending years of breaking your break to provide for your spawn and giving them all the love affection they could need, only to raise a rebellious miscreant that becomes your block's pariah! That would break my heart and yet it happens all the time. And it's not the parents fault all the time. Sometimes is something so stupid (when they were six you didn't want to stop at the Wawa on the way back from Six Flags because it was getting late and they never forgot how mean you were and have never forgiven you) and all the parents good work goes in vain.

Every time I shoot a wedding, I watch the father-daughter dance, when there is one, and pray that my daughter grows up to be the type of woman that I would be proud to dance with at her wedding day. That doesn't mean that she has to be a doctor or a famous politician. It just means that she not the most frequently featured person on Cops! (is that show even still on?) It scares me that I don't have any control over that but I'm getting better at dealing with that. I am also getting better at not judging parents immediately. It is absolutely their doing sometimes but it's not automatic.

These are my thoughts...what are yours?

Wednesday Wonderings (2-fer!): What's going on under Hayden's hat? #10

It's Wednesday and the middle of the week makes me think about the interesting questions in my world. Here is the question bouncing around under this week's hat. Feel free to comment on the question (or the hat, the hat for that matter). I may even give away something for the comment that makes me laugh (or think) the most. Have fun with it!

Who is Luke and how did he get a temperature named after him? Have you ever wondered what is the origin some of the common words that you use?

Do you think people who have annoying speaking voices know that they do and speak more than the rest of us just to annoy people around them?

These are my thoughts...what are yours? 

Autopilot

I walked to the train this morning like I normally do. Aside from it being the worst part of my day (I hate getting on the train going AWAY FROM home), I don't really remember getting there. I can't tell you where I crossed the street or what I passed on the way there that was out of the ordinary. Essentially, I was on auto pilot: my feet knew where to go but I wasn't making any conscious decisions about my actions. And that definition made me think: what else do I do on auto pilot? In fact, what do we all do without really thinking about it. It's like actual pilots of planes who put it on auto and then go off and do something else while the computer flies the plane. (Normally, here is where I would put in the requisite "flirting with the flight attendants" comment but have you SEEN flight attendants lately!?!?)

On my way to work, I multi-tasked in my mind. Logic dictates that our brain focuses on on the task at hand, takes in the experiences happening right now. However, we have become such a busy society that we thought about the thing that we''re currently experiencing HOURS ago. That leaves us time to now think about the rest of our day while doing mundane things like walking to work, showering, eating... Think about it; how many of us have made things like that routine and can no longer pick out the nuances of the experience unless you notice a difference? Can you recall savoring every bite of your bagel in the morning or are you only aware when something is wrong? What distracted you from enjoying your meal? The newspaper, a conversation, your work space? You would be amazed at how many things that we do on autopilot.

I don't actually know what would happen if we paid more attention to the mundane stuff and lived in the moment for each experience. Could you image enjoying EVERY sip of your coffee and focusing solely on that and not the meeting that came directly after it? Could you image taking in everything around for what it's worth instead of obsessing about what you're going to do when your get to your destination? NYers have so much to think about all the time that this may seem like an impossible task but try it. It might make all the difference in your day.

These are my thoughts...what are yours?

The Magic of Photography

Greene Light Photography: The Magic of Photography: You come home from a hard day at high school with a ton of homework. The first thing you do is hit the computer (or in my case, the encyc...

Wednesday Wonderings: What's going on under Hayden's hat? #9

It's Wednesday and the middle of the week makes me think about the interesting questions in my world. Here is the question bouncing around under this week's hat. Feel free to comment on the question (or the hat, the hat for that matter). I may even give away something for the comment that makes me laugh (or think) the most. Have fun with it!

I love this hat and its pop of orange. It's one of my brighter hats even though it's black.

And now on to the 'wondering'...

Why won't Jennifer Lopez just GO AWAY? #thatisall.

These are my thoughts...what are yours? 

We're being watched...

I love my wife and she loves me. When we go out into the public, that fact is pretty obvious. Also, because we have a similar sense humor, we seems to enjoy each others company. My wife is pretty independent in the same way that I am so we also don't have to be stuck up under each other at events either. Generally, you don't get sick of us being all lovey dovey in public to prove that we're happy together. We both are also business minded people so we also rely on logic to run our household which makes it seem efficient in people's eyes.

Why am I saying all of this? Well rest assured that I am NOT trying to toot my own horn. In fact, just the opposite! All of the aforementioned things have led people to dub our marriage as 'perfect' and there are people who use my wife and I as the standard for what a good Black marriage/family should be. These are not my descriptors: we have been told this many times. It's flattering and we are honored that people look at us in that fashion at all. We appreciate the love. But here's the kicker: we not perfect...at all. We fight, I get on her nerves and she annoys the crap outa me as well. We disagree on a great many things. Sometimes we disagree amiably and then other times we're childish. But in our eyes, THAT'S a real marriage. The good AND the bad. We just do a really good job of not putting our business on 'front street' (aside from this blog, of course).

That brings me to the 'perfect marriage' moniker. That's a heavy title to wear because there is a lot of pressure to not destroy people's images. There are days that we are having a bad time and rather than expose people to that side of our love, we choose to stay home. Don't get me wrong: we don't sit around and say "Can you act like a loving couple at this event? No? Alright, we're staying home!" but it's in the back of our mind. People are watching us, whether we like it or not and if we falter there are ramifications. My current marriage is my second. My fraternity brother and I separated from our respective wives within a year of each other for very different reasons. We have a third brother who is close to both of us and has told me that HE is now afraid to get married because he watched the marriage of two couples, whom he thought were solid, dissolve in front of him. He is now watching my current marriage as proof as to whether it (marriages) can actually work for people like him and I. That's a lot of pressure!!

On the other hand, it's a lot of incentive. The flip side of this is that keeping up with that image encourages us to be the best couple that we can be so that there are good images of Black marriages for people like our daughter to refer to. And not just Hollywood couples like Will and Jada or Ozzie and Ruby Dee who aren't accessible to them but real folk down the block from them. I love the fact that the neighborhood kids love our family and greet us with "Hi Mr. Greene, hi Mrs. Greene, hi Baby Clarke!" Its very Norman Rockwell and think that's important for kids to see as an option for their future. You can't ascribe to something that you have never seen.

I guess the bottom line is that my family appreciates the love that we get from everyone and keep holding us to a high standard. It sets the bar for us to live up to and helps us to be excellent, even if some days my wife hates me for not taking out the garbage!!

These are my thoughts...what are yours?

PS read my wife's blog on the same topic.
Hartlyn Kids Blog

Wednesday Wonderings: What's going on under Hayden's hat? #8

It's Wednesday and the middle of the week makes me think about the interesting questions in my world. Here is the question bouncing around under this week's hat. Feel free to comment on the question (or the hat, the hat for that matter). I may even give away something for the comment that makes me laugh (or think) the most. Have fun with it!

Why won't people stand at the back of the bus? Did Rosa Parks have THAT much of an influence that people will simply NOT move down in the bus and let other people get on? c'mon son!

These are my thoughts...what are yours? 

The Silent Yell

Down to the last minutes of the game and a field goal will win. The kick is up and...it's...GOOD! Yessssss! Jumped on the coach and hollered.  The neighbors heard me and they knew that my team had won the game. There is bedlam in my living room as I try to find the phone to call all the Jets haters to rub it in after a great will by Gang Green! Well that was in BC years....Before Clarke!

They say that a baby changes you and when you start to add up the many ways that it does, it makes you realize just how much you are a different person. Last night, my beloved Jets won the game in the last moments of regulation and all through the game I wanted to hoot and holla for my team. But I have learned.

When Clarke was small, I think I stopped her heart one time when I yelled at the screen (what do you mean they can't hear me in the Meadowlands from my couch....hogwash) during a Jets game against the Putrid Patriots. I felt so bad that I have since mastered the Silent Yell where I allow for every motion associated with the scream (including the furious fist pump) except for the audible part of the celebration. The Silent Yell. For three seasons now I have looked like a tv commercial with the sound turned down just so I don't startle my child, or worse yet...gasp...wake her up! I'm almost positive that it's giving me an ulcer! At least, that what I'm going to tell the doctor when he asks. Can't blame the team. That might jinx them!

So here I am swallowing my screams like a black hole, tip toeing up stairs at night, and having muffled intimacy with my wife like we were upstairs in one of our parents houses back in high school (don't act like it was JUST me).  All because we live in the post BC era. So much has changed. It amazing to me and it the little things that make it real. Like texting vitriol to all my sadly misguided friends who are Giants friends instead of calling and having a page full of comments on Facebook instead of having a living room full of people commenting about the game. But one day that will change when she is old enough to hang out late for a game or she is not so jumpy when her father, a man who she very rarely has EVER seen yell, becomes a screaming banshee over a bunch of people running around in tights on the same tv that she was JUST watching The Backyardigans on. Maybe next season when she becomes a true Jets fan (save your commentary: she has no choice), we can get back to a raucous enjoyment of the wonderfully poetic brutality of daddy's favorite sport. Until then, the Silent Yell it is...

These are my thoughts...what are yours?

Now you see me...now you don't

"Out of sight. Out of mind." and "Absence makes the heart grow fonder."

We have all heard these maxims a thousand times before and most of us probably have subscribed to both these schools of thought. However, no two philosophies could be more opposite. It's that knowledge that makes some people scared to take time away from a normal routine.

Time away can be very useful. In the education field, professors have an optional sabbatical period built into their contracts, just in case they want/need to take a break. They understand that it is necessary to recharge. Sometimes stepping away from part of your regularly scheduled activities adds value to your presence. Allows people to see what their lives would be without you there and celebrate your return, thereby making you feel appreciated and validated. It the 'concept' behind couples taking a break...making the other person's heart grow fonder.

The greatest fear, however, is that the alternate saying will be the reality. No-one wants to feel that once they leave it will be as if they were never there. We all want to know that we bring some measure of worth to whatever we are involved in: class, relationship,  group of friends. Unfortunately, there is no way to know and you may come back to a group feeling like they never realized you were gone, completely out of their minds. Musical artist go through this all the time. Many of them would LOVE to take a year off and enjoy all that money they are making. But they know that if they step away from the spotlight, even for a short period, people will forget that they were even here.

So what do you do? Do you take that much needed break or do you stick around, never knowing whether people value you or have grown accustomed to you being there. I tell my students all the time, "I can't miss you if you won't go away" and the same is true for everyone. Just leave. If no-one cares that you're gone then you have definitive proof that you need to be more impact-full with your life. If you are missed, you know that you're doing something right and you should stay on that path. Either way, you should come back to the group refreshed and with a clearer head and, if nothing else, that is worth the leave of absence.

These are my thoughts...what are yours?