At BEST babies are unpredictable. I'll grant you that. I have a toddler at home and she will be very independent and self sufficient one day and then on another day, will be a clingy, crying mess! So I understand that on a day you do everything you're supposed to, your child will "act da fool" in public.
My issue is with what YOU do when that happens. When I was growing up, if I felt like the store, the mall or the park was an appropriate place for me to "show my ass", my mother AND my grandmother would snatch me up and, through clenched teeth, remind me that I eventually had to go home where a weathered belt or pot spoon was anxiously awaiting my arrival! You can rest assured that I straightened up quickly and desisted from my temporary course of madness!
So I'm sitting on the train and at the end of the car there is a toddler in FULL TANTRUM mode: flailing arms, screaming (not crying), kicking, writhing uncontrollably, the whole nine! And what was the mother/guardian doing, you ask (because you should be asking)? Simply trying to hold onto her and not get punched. Meanwhile, my fellow passengers and I are trying to have a peaceful ride home after a long day. At no point did this woman even attempt to discipline or even quiet the child. I can only assume that if this was a train car that child would have been rolling all over the floor!
Am I wrong for feeling that you have to be the one in charge as the adult in that relationship? A child shouldn't get to reek havoc for 5 stops on the express train without the adult once attempting to correct the behavior, right? Am I crazy for thinking this people? I hope not!
These are my thoughts...what are yours?
3 comments:
You are shameless with the plug, but that's ok. As a mother of a daughter who was magnificently known for her tantrums in public, I will say this:
Sometimes the clenched teeth, the pinches under the armpit, and the threats of what's to come JUST DON'T WORK when that child is at the height of a tantrum. We tried everything!! The two things that typically worked in public was complete ignorance to what she was doing, if you fed into the tantrum she would get worse, and I don't play, it didn't matter. The other trick we learned from many, many sessions of therapy was a simple glass of water. A kid can't cry or scream while drinking and the act of drinking would automatically calm her down....
...and then when we got home...well...it was my turn to spazz out!
Well given that my toddler (your toddler) had a full tantrum at the Atlantic Antic I have to say I disagree. Sometimes you can control them... sometimes you can't...
I must agree with my fellow moms, it isn't always easy. Some parents know that the attempts to correct behavior just doesn't work.
That particular parent may have been at her wits' end. I know I have been there before. I have two toddlers who feed off of each other's emotions. One tantrum turns into two. At the same time. Sometimes I've had to carry one child kicking and screaming while dragging the other (kicking and screaming).
I can understand your frustration, though. I used to feel the same way, especially because my first born never threw a tantrum...ever.
But 8 years after her birth I had my son. And I learned firsthand what it felt like to be that mother in public with a child who will not yield to your demands. It's tough being that mother, everyone looking at you like you are the one doing the screaming and crying.
I'm still not used to it...
sigh....goes to search for weekend respite services--------->
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