We're being watched...

I love my wife and she loves me. When we go out into the public, that fact is pretty obvious. Also, because we have a similar sense humor, we seems to enjoy each others company. My wife is pretty independent in the same way that I am so we also don't have to be stuck up under each other at events either. Generally, you don't get sick of us being all lovey dovey in public to prove that we're happy together. We both are also business minded people so we also rely on logic to run our household which makes it seem efficient in people's eyes.

Why am I saying all of this? Well rest assured that I am NOT trying to toot my own horn. In fact, just the opposite! All of the aforementioned things have led people to dub our marriage as 'perfect' and there are people who use my wife and I as the standard for what a good Black marriage/family should be. These are not my descriptors: we have been told this many times. It's flattering and we are honored that people look at us in that fashion at all. We appreciate the love. But here's the kicker: we not perfect...at all. We fight, I get on her nerves and she annoys the crap outa me as well. We disagree on a great many things. Sometimes we disagree amiably and then other times we're childish. But in our eyes, THAT'S a real marriage. The good AND the bad. We just do a really good job of not putting our business on 'front street' (aside from this blog, of course).

That brings me to the 'perfect marriage' moniker. That's a heavy title to wear because there is a lot of pressure to not destroy people's images. There are days that we are having a bad time and rather than expose people to that side of our love, we choose to stay home. Don't get me wrong: we don't sit around and say "Can you act like a loving couple at this event? No? Alright, we're staying home!" but it's in the back of our mind. People are watching us, whether we like it or not and if we falter there are ramifications. My current marriage is my second. My fraternity brother and I separated from our respective wives within a year of each other for very different reasons. We have a third brother who is close to both of us and has told me that HE is now afraid to get married because he watched the marriage of two couples, whom he thought were solid, dissolve in front of him. He is now watching my current marriage as proof as to whether it (marriages) can actually work for people like him and I. That's a lot of pressure!!

On the other hand, it's a lot of incentive. The flip side of this is that keeping up with that image encourages us to be the best couple that we can be so that there are good images of Black marriages for people like our daughter to refer to. And not just Hollywood couples like Will and Jada or Ozzie and Ruby Dee who aren't accessible to them but real folk down the block from them. I love the fact that the neighborhood kids love our family and greet us with "Hi Mr. Greene, hi Mrs. Greene, hi Baby Clarke!" Its very Norman Rockwell and think that's important for kids to see as an option for their future. You can't ascribe to something that you have never seen.

I guess the bottom line is that my family appreciates the love that we get from everyone and keep holding us to a high standard. It sets the bar for us to live up to and helps us to be excellent, even if some days my wife hates me for not taking out the garbage!!

These are my thoughts...what are yours?

PS read my wife's blog on the same topic.
Hartlyn Kids Blog