in communicado

So I just got back from a week long cruise to the Caribbean and was totally (well ...almost totally) out of contact electronically: no email, phone calls, FB, etc. There were 5 of us including a toddler on a very large ship, with no way to communicate if we got separated. It reminded me of the 'old days' when you made plans with people and kept them because there was no way to let people know that your plans had changed. Or maybe I'm remembering the old days too romantically. That could be the case but i seem to remember a time that people kept appointments without 7 reminders and/or 3 reschedulings. I kinda enjoyed not being able to reach people. It made us either stick together or rely on people to be where they said they would be.


Or maybe I'm just ole skool...


These are my thoughts...what are yours?

If you see something...

If you see something.

So it dawned on me this afternoon that the MTA's "If you see something, say something" campaign is doomed to fail. Whereas it might work in DeMoines, Iowa, it doesn't stand a chance with jaded New Yorkers. What is strange to the rest of the country and sometimes, the world, is quite normal to us Big Apple folk. I realized this as I watched a man in full Rennaisance gear get on the 1 train and start playing a lute. No-one batted an eyelid. That's not strange enough for us. We can explain that away with at least a thousand possibilities that are perfectly plausible in NYC. The same goes for a man wearing a full space suit. People would think that he is an extra to a movie before they thought bio warfare! The wide range of odd stuff that happens in this city makes it even more dangerous. Which one of the myriad of strange and weird things that we see daily SHOULD we alert the authorities to!?!?

Well I actually have a list of things that NYers find strange but none of use will ever report:

It's strange is people get on a train and actually move to the center of the car so that others can get on.
It's strange if the people standing at the door actually get out of the way to let people IN in the train as opposed to standing there like they paid rent for that spot.
It's very strange if our fellow strap hangers take their massive knapsacks OFF their backs instead of taking up valuable standing space with inanimate objects that are in direct proportion to how rude the owner is.

Now THOSE are strange occurrences that I would love to report!

It's the little things...

Ever notice how kids make you re-evaluate your life. I'm not talking about in the grandiose sense like considering your mortality or making better life choices for "their sake". I'm referring to how watching them enjoy the little things in life help you to reacquaint yourself with the simple pleasures in the world.

Today I had a spinning impromptu competition with my baby daughter. No pretense and no reward. Just spinning. Pure fun. When I come home, she and I have a dance party the minute I walk in the door. Just because. We laugh uncontrollable while playing peek-a-boo. A simple game, dancing, and getting dizzy. Basic stuff and so easy. We do so much and go through so much in order to have fun. Makes you wonder why when there are so many easy way to entertain ourselves.

Maybe we can just need to spin around and get dizzy. I certainly had fun doing it.

Baby girls

Baby girls are hilarious. I mean babies in general are cute but little girls are a special breed. I didn't realize that until I had my daughter. She is a handful but in a very different way from her male cousins.

Babies are all trying figure out where they stand in their worlds. They pretty much have figured out the role of mom and dad but they are still trying to figure out how much they can get away with and what actions garner which results. They try to see what happens when they cry, when they laugh, and when they're being cute. And that's where girls are different from boys: they learn to manipulate 'cute' far sooner than their male counterparts. I have seen my daughter bat her eyes, giggle, and act silly just to get attention and to get what she wants. It amazes me how soon they perfect the use of their womanly attributes...and the kid is only 18 months old!!!! I am going to go ahead say right now that I am NOT going to be ready when that happens when she is 13 years old.

I think I should start collecting a fund for bail money now....

All I ever needed to know I learned from the MTA - part V

We all have stuff but we carry it differently.


No-one gets on the train in the morning empty handed. We all have some manner or carrying device: knapsack, purse, shoulder bag, brown bag, something. We need these things because we spend so much time outside of our homes that we need to take a bunch of stuff with us. We need our wallets, our books, our electronics, our medicines, et cetera. We ALL have these things and as a matter of fact, someone who doesn't have any bag of some sort, especially a woman, seems weird and our of place. The interesting things is that the bags are all different and as varied as the owners themselves. Everyone carries their stuff in a different way and that WAY is whatever is comfortable for them. Some people like to have it all on their bag, some like to sling it over their shoulders, and others still like to roll it around behind them. It's their stuff and how the carry it is as idiosyncratic as their personalities.


In life, we all have baggage. Past relationships and life events have moulded us into the people that we are but with that comes some issues that we carry around with us. There is a song line that says "I'm not looking for someone with no baggage. I just want someone with a set that matches mine!". The truth is that anyone who is mildly interesting has baggage. In fact, some of the people surrounding you have more baggage that you may expect. From time to time, we feel that our own baggage is more than what other people are carrying. It may lead us to wonder if other people are carrying any at all because they seem so happy and at ease. Most of the time, they're just carrying their stuff differently than you are. Some of us always have a smile in the face of great despair and other still always seem angry even when things go right. We deal with beings in our own particular way and that's what makes us individuals.


So, just like on the train when you see a bag that you like, you consider carrying YOUR stuff in a similar bag, maybe we should think about carrying our personal baggage like some people who we KNOW are carrying the world on their shoulders yet seem to have a positive disposition. Who knows: maybe that may make all the difference in your life.

Everything I needed to know I learned from the MTA - Part 4

You are the variable in your own life.

Every train ride that I take seems to be different from the last one. Some days it feels longer. Some times it seems that the trip wears me out more and other days, I look up and I'm at my stop before I even realize it. As for my fellow straphangers, for the most part, they are actors playing roles. The roles remain the same and the people change, even though there are some that make repeat performances. My cast of characters always includes business people, students, pregnant women, panhandlers, tourists, weirdos, and other secondary roles. The train itself always stops at the same 25 stops, for the most part. So then why is every ride to work or back home so different from its predecessor? One reason: me. I change every day. My mood , my departure time, what I choose to do on my train ride, or even where I sit, can be different from day to day. As a result, each train rain holds a different experience in store for me.

In life, certain things remain constant. For some of us, it is a job. For others it's school. For even more still it may be family. Whatever it is, we will always be the changeable variable in our life's equation. If you are working at the same job and you feel like you're not going anywhere, something should be changed. Chances are, the job is not going do the changing. That leaves one option: the change must come from you. Whether you seek a new position in the company more aggressively, or you go back to school, or you just leave entirely, change must happen for progress to occur. Like Einstein once said, the very definition of insanity is "doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result". As we recognize that our train ride is dependent on us, so should we see how we also control the things in our life that we want to change. If things are to be different, we have to be the catalyst.

Everything I needed to know I learned from the MTA - Part C

Most things that bother you, only do so for a while.

The main tenet of the MTA is that it is a form of MASS transit. Implicit in that statement is the fact that you share subway cars with a LOT of people. It is inevitable that one of or a few of your fellow riders will do something that is going to bother you. The form, frequency, and length of that disturbance is varied and can range from the mariachi band on your morning commute or the homeless man who reeks of week old urine. The good thing that most of us know is that these annoying happenings will only last for a stop or two. Concurrently, if it seems like the irritating agent lingers, WE can move ourselves by switching train cars or even entire trains. As a result, you'll notice that NYers tend to not getting too twisted out of shape about things that bother them on the train.

In life, we have to deal with stuff that rubs us the wrong way all the time. We deal annoying friends, that uncle who is embarrassing, the boss we can't stand, or any myriad of people and situations that disturb our peace. While in the midst of the event or person or circumstance, we feel like it will never stop or that the end point seems to be so far away. We take a class with a horrible professor and suddenly the end of the semester seems so far away. Thinking back on our lives, though, how often does something that was a major annoyance in our lives seem like a blip on the radar I'm retrospect. We look back and laugh about how disturbed we were then and how insignificant it seems now.

Think about how we would live our lives if we could look at our present irritations in that fashion. The curious things is that we do that on the trains. We either hunker down and deal with whatever the new egregious thing is or we remove ourselves for its presence. There is a song in the Broadway musical 'Avenue Q' called 'For Now' and it talks about the fact that no matter what is bothering you, it's only "for now" and not to worry about it too much. Just like on the train, our agents of disturbance will only be in our lives for temporary period. Grin and bear it and enjoy your life in spite of them because the truth is that there will ALWAYS be things that bother us but they're all temporary! Occasionally there are irritants that have a little more staying power. In though cases, we generally have the ability to "move to another train car" and make a decision to not be around the thing or person causing us grief. But it has to be a conscious decision. Just like the ones we make on the train.

Everything I needed to know I learned from the MTA - Part II

Enjoy what you have while you have it.

Every time I, or any of us, take the MTA, there we are presented with a view. Some days it's an empty car and we have nothing but subway ads in front of us. Other times, it's a beautiful person that is pleasing to the eye. Other times still, it is something curious or odd that give you pause (this makes up the majority of my views!). Riding the train has made me consider formulating what I probably will call "Replacement Theory" and the premise is that things that are in our scope of experience in life tend to get replaced and the brain does curious things depending on whether it's an upgrade or a downgrade. For now let's talk about the downgrades.

There have been countless times that an attractive woman or man has been in my line of sight and I had no issue with raising my head from whatever I was reading/writing and looking around and check my surrounding. Then we get to a stop and that person gets off and someone takes their place who forces me to stare in disbelief or to avert my eyes for fear that I may scar my corneas! Moreover, it makes me wish for the return of the previous person, even if they were marginally attractive!

In life, we have people who come into our sight path, so to speak, and we don't recognize how much we valued them until they're gone. It is most obvious when we speak about loved ones and friends, but what about that teacher that you never noticed until they were replaced by a crappy one? Or the boss you complained about but wasn't really that bad who gets replaced by a real jerk that you can't stand? We have an abundance of people in our lives that we take for granted, not realizing how bad it really could be.

Today, thank goodness for the person on the train in front of u who is at least wearing pants because you never know if the next one is. And be thankful for the people in your life who, at the very least, don't bring you grief because the person that may replace them may be your worst nightmare. Remember: the devil you know may be better that the devil you don't know.

Due Justice

Normally I don't post very many things of a political nature but today I have a simple question:  Am I imagining things or is what they did to Charlie Rangel a miscarriage of justice? Granted he was a bit theatrical with his request to have time to raise money for a lawyer but how do you simply decide not call ANY witness and pronounce the man guilty in ONE day? Far less egregious crime generate trials that are ten times as long. This can't be fair or just.   These are my thoughts....what are yours?

Train Chronicles #6 - get outa that seat!

Everyday I see violations of subway etiquette ranging from simple not even acknowledging that your big ole purse is banging into someone sitting in front of you to the age old intrusion into personal space when there actually is room in the car. Yup, I see it every day. However, most of the time I can chalk it up to them being inconsiderate or unaware of their surroundings. Very rarely is it just completely rude and obnoxious. THIS morning was one of those rare occasions and the perpetrator was in rare form indeed.

Let me set this up for you: I'm on my regular 2 train headed to work. The configuration on the 2 is that you have un-grooved bench seats facing each other with a pole in between (I've actually seen people "work" that pole before but that's a story for another post). The pole separates the bench into space for three and four. I was sitting on the end of the "three" section by the door. The offending party was standing in front of the door to my right and the car was full of people. The person in the seat next to me, to my left, got up and left the train at the next stop. There were two people in front of the now empty seat and one in front of me, all of which were closer to the seat that this hooligan. As you are reading this, I HOPE you don't think that she recognized this fact and let them have it.

Oh no! She pushed past three people to get to the seat and yelled at the man standing IN FRONT OF the seat to
"Get outa that seat!"
in her gruff, gravely bark of a voice. Everyone was astounded by what an ass this woman was but it gets better. One woman, who was one of the people that were closer to the seat than she was, said
"Can I please sit?"
to which this troll answered,
"Nope!"
The other woman then said
"Fine! LET the pregnant woman stand!"
Now, admittedly, this woman wasn't showing that much so it would have been hard to know that she was with child. But once she made that statement, the right thing to do would have been to apologize for being a jerk and offer the seat to her. This cretin did neither and continued to read a romance novel which probably contained descriptions of things that NO MAN would ever want to do to her!

This was by far the worst train etiquette violation that I have seen in a long while. Have you seen anything worse than this?

Brothers from the Bottom

This is a post I was supposed to write weeks ago. I am a patron of the arts and so I have been a varied array of theatrical productions. They range from Broadway big budget numbers to community theatre. I think that I have a good eye for what's well done and for what's not. Whereas there are probably really good production being delivered at some local theaters, generally community theatre is not great, and some times is down right bad! That said, I am a big critic for what is called the "chitterlings circuit" and the works that it produces. For those of you unfamiliar to it, the chitterling circuit" (pronounced chit-lin's) are plays and musicals that pander directly to the African American audience and the production value is typically low. The most famous product of this genre is Tyler Perry and the Madea series.  Quite often, it's just a vehicle for past-their-prime singers to belt out a few more songs before the disappear into complete obscurity.

So it is with this back drop that I went to see "Brothers from the Bottom" at the Billie Holiday Theater at Restoration Plaza in my beloved Brooklyn, NY. We were supporting a friend whose organization was supporting the production but I in no way felt that I was going to see a quality production. I. Was. So. Wrong.

"Brothers from the Bottom" is a smart, well written play by Jackie Alexander and I was very pleasantly surprised by it.  It's set in New Orleans, post Katrina, and follows the story of two brothers (Nicoye Banks and Warner Miller) as they navigate through decisions that affect the entire community in which they both grew up. The actors were on mark and delivered their roles with passion without going over the top, as is the trademark of the chitterling circuit. I keep waiting for one of them to break into buffoonery but it never happened.  Even the comic foil in the play, played by Neko Parham, managed to portray his character with humor interlaced with an authenticity that was refreshing.

The story itself, save for points where I felt the writer hurried it along in the interest of time, was layered and very smartly interlaced the stories that we have come to hear repeatedly from that region into the flow of the play. The writer gave the actors a script that they sink their teeth into and the actors did the writer justice. The script had a clear message but it wasn't overbearing or heavy-handed. In addition, the writer avoided what had to be very tempting story line tangents, such as infidelity and drug use, to spice up the production. He stayed on course and delivered a truly thoughtful depiction of the real situations occurring in the Big Easy right now.

It only saddens me that the play will probably not get as much traffic as it should. If not for the family friend that got us the tickets, I would not have thought to purchase them. What's worse is that when I went to Restoration Plaza's website, finding information on the play was not as easy as it should be. Lastly, in the area around the theater, there are hundreds, and maybe even thousands, of posters for parties, movies, and albums posted all over. There was not one for the play. I think it is always sad that information about enriching aspects of our community get drowned out by posters for parties which depict half naked women who would never attend the party that they are on the poster for! We need to better.

Over all, though, if you have a few extra discretionary fund dollars, spend it on two tickets to "Brothers from the Bottom". You will not be disappointed. I wasn't!

Every thing I needed to know I learned from the MTA - part 1

In the long journey that is life, people will come in and out of your life. Some, however, will be with you through your entire ride. 

My typical ride is about 90 minutes and I go through a number of different cast of characters by the time I get to where I'm going. It first changes at downtown Brooklyn, then again at Wall Street, once more at midtown and lastly, uptown. Very rarely, is there someone on the train who ride is as long as mine but occasionally I notice a fellow weary straphanger.

Life is the same way: by the time we are finished with our lives, we would have had a few different groups of people around us. There are the people from the neighborhood that we grew up with who then get replaced or augmented by our friends from HS/college. Soon we will have work companions, and if we're lucky, a family of our own, sometimes more than one! Through it all, there are a few people that stay with us: a trusted friend, a life long love, a close sibling.

Just like on the train, we need to look around and enjoy the stories from these different groups as they unfolding before us. More importantly, we need to recognize when there are people who have been there for the whole ride and, even though they may not speak to you, there is at least one person who saw it all and went through everything you did.

Old Rappers

Old school concerts are always enjoyable, especially if you are "of a certain age". It's always fun to relive the times when that music came out, sing the lyrics out loud, and even do some of the old dances. This is true of all genres of music. But this brings me to a very interesting phenomenon.

This weekend I saw Nice N Smooth perform and Greg Nice made a very interesting point. He said the rappers of today don't love hip-hop the way the old school does. He said everyone in the rap industry wants to get out of the rap game before they're thirty. They want to get rich fast, get out and retire young. He said that he want to be doing this until he's old like Mick Jagger and Sting. This resonated with me deeply because I think this is what really separates old school rappers from the ones of today: it used to be a lifestyle and an art back in the day and now it's just a means to an end. And the fans are to blame too.

People make fun of Jay-Z for being 40 and still rapping but no-one gives R Kelly grief for putting music out and they hit the scene at the same time, are the same age, and the same race. It is simply a matter of musical genre. The rappers today look at hip hop as a money making vehicle not as an art form. They talk about it in the same way that drug dealers speak about the narcotics trade: get in, make your money, and get the hell out.

But which came first? Their reluctance to keep rapping and therefore after they make a few dollars, they disappear. Or is it that after three albums, we no longer want to hear from them? Or even more important, do they only have enough talent for one or two albums and then are relegated to the realm of "featured artist"? This also brings up an issue that I will deal with in my next post which is that we 'put stuff down' quickly and leave it for other people take up. The question I need answered is where are the people that, like Greg Nice, want to keep making quality music until they're old like Sting AND have the talent to do so? These are my thoughts....what are yours

The Train Chronicles #5 - Weird stuff

I see a lot of stuff on the train. I am on it for almost three hours a day so there is a lot to write about. However, I looked back at the list of my blog entries and I realized that I have written about the characters on the train lately. Have I gotten tired of talking about them? Have they gotten less interesting (hardly likely!)? It made me wonder why I had begun to slack off. I think I was just busy and was focused on some other things. That said here are some crazy things that I have seen lately and some oldie but goodies!

• Yesterday there was a guy dressed in a full renaissance fair outfit playing the lute on the downtown 1 and he acted like we were strange for looking at him as he panhandled.
• This morning a man came on and tried to sell DVDs for a "animated movie" that he was trying to raise money for but then never moved from his spot as if he expected people to come to HIM to make a purchase! This ain't a lemonade stand, fool! You better walk around, you crazed cartoonist.
• Last week, a woman got on the train wearing 14 differently colored pieces of clothing. Yes I counted. I had too because either she didn't when she got dressed or she wore all of that so that I would noticed and be forced to count. Either way, I felt visibly assaulted and called the fashion police immediately when I resurfaced to report her whereabouts. There is no telling what kind of damage she could cause if left unchecked.
• I once sat across from a man who I surmised was a Buddhist monk from Africa. The monk part was easy to figure out: he was wearing full garb and was praying with Buddhist beads. The African part only became apparent when a man with a Haitian accent accosted him, rudely inquiring "what's all this about". The man clearly didn't want to be disturbed and ignored him but the other man persisted. Eventually he tried to speak and I realized that he didn't speak English. After one more inconsiderate intrusion, I told the Haitian man that the guy was a monk and was praying. He then turned his attention to me to bother me. I, however, am not a meek monk and shut him down immediately. The Haitian eventually got off and the monk nodded to me a sign of thanks. It's not everyday that you have an opportunity to come to aid of an African monk!
• Two weeks ago, I boarded the 2 train and a woman was sitting in a seat right by the door. Her friend/lover/boo, another woman on the wrong side of 250 pounds, was laid out over the seats next to her which were designed to seat 3 more people (technically). Now this second woman was loud and obnoxious. The sad part was that my fellow hard core New Yorkers said NOTHING to her and milled about looking for some place to STAND! I guess I was too far south or not far enough because these people made no fuss whatsoever and the woman only moved when her friend told her she was making a scene. If I were one of the people that were displaced because she decided to re-purpose that subway car from transportation to lodging, there would have been a misunderstanding.
• And last but not least, there is the woman who taps me on my shoulder as I am writing this very blog post to ask me "is that an iPad?" even though I have a set of large, over the ear, headphones, the universal sign for "DON'T BOTHER ME RIGHT NOW". I wanted to tell her that it was an intergalactic communicator and I was in the process of logging all of the annoying people on planet Earth so that my fellow aliens could come, remove them, and place them all on a satellite moon by themselves where they could all annoy each other and leave us in peace and that I had just added HER name to the list. Somehow that run on sentence in my head came out as "yes it is". Oh well, another missed opportunity.

And so, as I type this to the sounds of yet another mariachi band on the 1 train, I have to wonder: am I the only one seeing weird stuff on the train? What strangeness have you all encountered?

Post Script - As I put this post to bed, I passed a woman with a cat in a baby carrier on the train. It never ends...

Where the bodies are buried.

Carl Palidino is a candidate for NY State governor and his hometown paper just endorsed his opponent, Andrew Cuomo. The paper stated that an old politician is sometimes a good thing because they know the ropes and know "where the bodies are buried". That last part refers to metaphorical bodies, of course, but it's the part that intrigued me. Every deal in politics is predicated by back office handshakes, a nudge here and a wink there. Are new politician at a disadvantage by not knowing the history of how certain things "got done"? By the time they figure out the lay of the land, have they missed their opportunity to be effective? The American public only gives you a short window in which to do what you said you would do before they start looking for your replacement. President Obama is an example of how difficult it can be to be a virtual Washington outsider and try to effect change. He's finding it very difficult to form coalitions with Republicans and I believe it's because he doesn't know where the bodies are buried.

These are my thoughts ....what are yours?

The Train Chronicles #4 - You don't smell that Part 2

Trains are interesting inventions. Especially subways. Someone decided that traveling underground was a good idea and a bunch of people agreed with him. Today we stand on platforms and feel the artificial wind at the trains lumber through the tunnels, pushing the stale air onto our face like a vile, imitation subterranean wind.  That does not compare, however, with the vile winds that emanate from the sphincter of some of the passengers on the train.

It's bad enough that we have to share the same air but it's downright unconstitutional to further pollute it with your emanations! You know who you are but I've compiled a list:

• The dude who sits in the middle of everyone and raises one cheek ever so slightly to facilitate the escape of the noxious fumes 
• The woman who sits there quietly reading her magazine but secretly spreading her womanly charms into the nostrils of her unfortunate victims sitting next to her.
• The guy who stands directly in front of a sitting passenger and blasts the unsuspecting person with a maniacal stream of SBDs.

These are just a few but they all are offensive. You know you're having a gassy day! You felt the rumblings of an unsettled mass of putrid gas bubbling in your gut when you started your trip. Go stand in the corner. In fact, I am advocating for a fart corner to be assigned on every subway car. I'm actually ok with that kind of segregation. And when you are finished destroying the ozone layer, you can rejoin the rest of the people on the train who had the courtesy of not eating beans before they boarded the subway.

I'm jus' sayin' ...  These are my thoughts...what are yours?

What are good schools really good at?

I attended a city university for my undergraduate education. I have always said that dollar for dollar, I got a better education that most of my friends who when to expensive, higher rated schools. Since that time, I have made a career in higher education and I've noticed something over the years.

Last night, I helped one of my younger cousins navigate their syllabi and planned out his semester with him. This is young man already has a year of college at a state school under his belt and is going to school closer to home this year. As I walked him through what stuff he needed to be on top of, I realized that there were numerous basis tenets of being a college student that he had not been taught: study techniques, calendaring, and how to adjust to college learning. I'm almost positive that as an accredited institution of higher learning, that  these services are available at his school. However, as was with my college experience, you have to go FIND them.

My colleagues and I teach this stuff to  our students every year during orientation which is extensive and protracted. Needless to say, the students find it laborious but in the end, it prepares them better. And therein lies the major difference: the students services piece of education. No-one advised me to see my academic advisor, set up an appointment each semester to speak to my professor, nor did anyone teach me how study to be successful in college. I "survived" but I always said that if I had a little more guidance, I would be in a much different place today. At times, I feel like we coddle our students but last night I had a completely different opinion on this. I see how detrimental the absence of these services can be and how easy it is to get lost in the system.

I pledged to make sure that my young cousin gets the support that he needs from me and that he demands it from his institution. With that, I also offer a word of advice to guardians and families of college aged students: take the time to walk them through the basics of transition to college and/or make sure the seek it out from their school. You would be so amazed by the difference it can make. 

You don't smell that.....?

Every time I walk to the train station unfortunately sometimes on the actual train, I pass someone who smells like they took a bathe in cologne/perfume. I know that when you put scents on that sometimes you can't smell it on yourself. But that applies to normal amounts of cologne! When you're going through a bottle of Drakkar Noir a week, you HAVE to know that you're smelling like a French whore. I was told that the rule of thumb for cologne was that a person should only be able to smell your cologne when they got really close to you. It's for you and someone you're intimate with, not the entire block! I am not exaggerating when I say that either. There have been countless times that a person has passed by me and I walk the entire block being assailed by the remnants of their odor! Why? I don't get the purpose of dousing yourself in a perfume.

Here are some helpful hints to help avoid this travesty:

• If you pour your cologne/perfume into your hands and it creates a pool that a small goldfish could swim in, stop immediately and find 26 friends to share that with.
• If your index finger becomes sore because you pressed the spray button so many times, stop, go take a shower, and start all over.
• If you are using an aerosol can, you should not be able to sing the entire alphabet before you're finished applying. Stop before you get to "C" and no slow singing either.
• If you hug your mate on the way out of the house and then wonder why they're wearing the same scent that you are, turn around and start from the beginning again. You've clearly infected them with your foolishness.
• If a ridiculously large percentage of your disposable income is being spent on cK1 and you DON'T own stock in the company, please reassess your life, you smelly loser.
• Lastly, if you notice that people all turn, look at you, and have a look of amazement when you pass by, it not because you look astounding that day. It's probably because you smell like you replaced the water heater in your house with an enormous vat of White Diamonds. Cut it out. You're impeding the regular breathing habits of the sane people around you, you aromatic jerk.

Ok, I'm done but I may have to revisit this topic if the violations continue...spread the word...

Are we connected?

In the last 10 years the ways that we connect with people has changed drastically. Technology has forced us in to pseudo relationships that give us the semblance of deepness (or maybe they are deep and my cynical mind thinks that their not) and communication that is fraught with the potential for miscommunication. I belong to a bunch of list serves and I talk to people on there more frequently than I do with people who I consider to be real life friends. On a few of them, efforts have been made to connect outside of the cyber world and, although I haven't been able to make any of the events, I can imagine how weird it must be to finally MEET someone whom you have soooo much information about and have had such rich discussions, for the first time. It has to be weird no matter how you set the meetings up.

The wife and I went to see "The Social Network" last night (great movie, by the way) and it was interesting to see our lives BF, Before Facebook. Mark Zuckerburg's goal was to give people a way to connect easier. Mission accomplished. 500 million people on the same system without the constraints of school affiliations could very easily be viewed as the largest connected group of people any where. But are we really connected. Even the people who you are directly connected (the people on your friends list) are often just Facebook friends! I once had one of my wife's friends nearly come up to me in Target because she recognized me from Facebook posts, only to stop herself when she remembered that she didn't actually KNOW me.

Have we been lured into a false sense of connectivity but all of these connectivity tools? I recently realized that I am not as much a part of a friend's life as I had thought. We speak every single day but was not included in their real life event. It made me feel bad until I realized that when I plan real events myself, I don't think to include people who I have a cyber relationship with. I call up people who I haven't spoken to in weeks to share THOSE events. So am I really connected? It feels like I am: I'm on seven list serves, I have over 3000 friends on Facebook, I have a Twitter account, a blog that gets hits from China, and a website. But is that all smoke and mirrors? In the end, are we just connected to the people that we see or has definition of connected changed forever? These are my thoughts....what are yours?

Monday Blahs remedy: Sesame Street: Smell Like A Monster

Seasons of Change

Ok so I'll be the first to make the official announcement: Summer is over! As much as it pains me to admit that my favorite season has come to a close, I feel it necessary to inform my fellow NYers. I know: it's hard to accept that the days of beaches and blistering heat are gone for another year. This, however is NOT an excuse for people to refuse to switch their wardrobe to more sensible fall attire! The micro shorts and flip flops need to put away for another day...and those are the guys that I'm talking about! No-one is more saddened by the days shortening and the mean temperature steadily dropping than I am but I deal with it and pull out the sweaters and autumn hats! I plead with all of you sun worshipers to get with the season and cover up before you get sick and end up on the train with me, coughing and sneezing on everyone...cause I'll write about you then too...

Everyone has a butt- The Train Chronicles #3

We all have butts.

Some of us have larger ones than others but we all own one, even if yours is simply the truncation of your spinal column. Associated with this point is that we all have had them all our lives. For some of us, they have gotten bigger where some of us have had diminished assets. But that doesn't happen over night.

Why am I focusing in on butts today? Simple. As a human you know EXACTLY how much space your butt takes up and unless you have SERIOUS spacial recognition issues, you can tell whether your butt will FIT into a space. Spaces like seats on a subway car! If I'm on a train where there aren't those grooved seats to suggest the acceptable size of derriere that should be plopped down there (which I find obnoxious), I normally can judge whether my tuckus will fit in the opening. Why aren't other people doing this? People try to squeeze into spaces that they absolutely have NO business trying to navigate and end up literally sitting on the person next to them. Take one wild guess as to who the person sitting next to them is: ME! I have someone sit on me at least once a day and I am seriously considering charging people for the free lap dance that they are stealing from me!

And not to sound ageist but the WORSE offenders are our seniors! You figure they have had THEIR butts the longest and therefore have the most experience navigating their cabooses. NOPE! It's always some septuagenerian resting a full cheek on my lap before he settles in and farting all the way down to add insult to injury!

This may seem like a small thing but I'm so done with it.

These are my thoughts....what are yours?